I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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