How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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