I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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