I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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