I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
