Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize