I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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