It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We are all done wearing pants today
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