Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i drank out of a bidet.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We have started to decorate penises.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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