I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
