Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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