we made out on top of his cat.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
