Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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