turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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