:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
