2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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