I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize