dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
