We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
