I never want to see another naked old woman again.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
