I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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