You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
