you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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