there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
How external is "for external use only"?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
