no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
