john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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