We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
