All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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