Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
