There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
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