who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
