Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
