Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
