do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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