I skipped work to stalk him.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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