we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
