Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
