I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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