im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
