Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
