we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I deserve this hangover.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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