I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
