no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
