meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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