I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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