Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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