I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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