This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
