Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
