God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
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