he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
