Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
