Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
