I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
