When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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