totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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