Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
