She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
