i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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