I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
