I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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