she was so not down for the gang bang
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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