If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
