she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
