i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
