I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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