Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize