Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Sext me about skeletons
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
