Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Randomize
