LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
