google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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