i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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